The Hospitality of Support Cannot be Overstated...

The year my mother died was the most painful time of my life. It was 1993 and we had moved from North Carolina to Ohio. My husband had requested and was granted a transfer with his company so that we could make our desire to be near my family a reality. Our son Matthew was only a toddler when we moved to North Canton that year, where we knew no one except my parents who lived just over an hour away.

Not quite two months after the move, we were getting settled and making adjustments to the cold Ohio climate when my mother died suddenly from a massive heart attack. At only 53, my mother was gone. She was my biggest supporter and best friend. I had longed to live near her again, especially as our son grew older.

Her death that April, so soon after our move, was very nearly unbearable. Somehow, with God’s grace and Ken's unfailing support, I managed to care for Matthew and get through the summer. Looking back, it’s all a blur and I barely remember anything that happened during that time.

As the holidays approached, I was an emotional wreck. My mother had always spent time with us every year sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Just the thought of facing those holidays without her was not only emotionally difficult, but it was physically painful. My heart literally ached - I felt pain in my chest whenever I thought of her. How would I ever make it through the Christmas holidays?

And then my friend, Vickie, from Durham, North Carolina where we had lived, used the mail to cross that distance for me that year. She knew my mother and how close we had been. She knew I was hurting and yet, with a job, a husband, and a young child of her own, she couldn’t be with me during those weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, she did the next best thing - she sent me mail every day during that holiday season. Yes, each day our mailman delivered something from Vickie. Sometimes it was a note or letter, but more often than not, I received some little package from her. The packages held a note and a little surprise. I don't remember what all the surprises were, but I do remember they were as simple as a sweet-smelling drawer sachet or a chocolate candy bar. But there was something from her every day.

The support Vickie showed me that year was worth more to me than I could ever express. Just knowing that she cared enough about me to purchase, prepare and mail an item each day was the most incredible gift. It was God’s reminder for me that I still had people who loved and cared about me. My mother, who was my greatest fan, was gone, but I was shown a love so like that of my mother. Vickie’s long-distance hospitality was a priceless gift. I will always count the love she showed me during those weeks one of the greatest gifts I ever received.

The gift of support cannot be overstated. Last year my friend Wanda needed to have some hospital tests done and although she’s a nurse, she was apprehensive about going to the hospital for testing alone. Her husband needed to be out of town, so she asked another close friend, Linda, and me to join her for the testing. Linda and I were so glad that she expressed her concern to us and that she had asked us to accompany her. Although we did not go into the testing room with Wanda, she knew we were close and that we were praying for her. We prayed that she would have peace of mind and that the diagnostician would find any abnormalities. When Wanda joined us after the testing, she had a calm, peaceful demeanor and was so glad the testing was over. She expressed just knowing we were there, waiting for her and prayerfully supporting her was a calming gift for her at the time. Fortunately, the tests were normal, but knowing we were there for her was a comfort. I had experienced that kind of support in a similar way years before with Vickie.

If we are honest with ourselves, we know many who are facing a challenge of some kind who could use our support. Do you know an elderly person who stresses when going to the doctor? Would she find comfort in knowing you were there with her? Is there someone without family or friends nearby who would love some company – even for a little while? How about the elderly person down the street who has difficulty mowing his yard or clearing snow from his driveway? What kind of small kindness can you extend to him today? Maybe for you it’s a friend or neighbor who just had surgery, or even a new mom, overwhelmed with the responsibilities she now encounters. How can you extend the hospitality of support today?

In Honor of "The Office" Gang....

This morning my husband and I received an email from the college our son will be attending. It's an online newsletter we've been receiving, and in this edition was an article titled, "Seven Steps to a Smooth Move-In Day." Wow! That was a surprise to see early in the morning!

Yes, we are 2 weeks away from the big move-in day. In honor of Matthew and all his friends who will soon be leaving for college all across Ohio and neighboring states, I am posting an article I wrote last year about this time. It's too close to write about now, so I'll let that article speak for itself.

(PHOTO: Matthew and his friends taken at his 18th birthday surprise party last year. Matthew is at the top of the stairs, on the left.)


The Excitement of Hospitality

I’m so excited. It’s not my birthday or a holiday, but it is a special day. Tonight is the season premiere of the TV program, The Office. Now, I enjoy The Office, but more importantly, I enjoy what it brings: teenagers -- more specifically, my son’s friends.

For the last couple of years, a group of 10-12 kids assemble at our house nearly every Thursday night during the television season of the program. My husband and I love it! We love seeing these kids and although they get together at other times, we know we’ll get to see them during The Office season.

My husband, Ken, and I have been talking about the gathering since we saw previews for the premiere. This morning I confirmed with Matthew, our son, that he was having the group in (They never plan anything in advance. To know the morning of is really good, since this is about as far in advance as they plan.)

I said I’d make some food. "I’ll make brownies," I said. My son said, “You don’t have to make anything.” (Translation: Thanks, Mom. That’d be great!)
So, I’ll make some things and get ready to greet their smiling faces at the door. They’ll all go downstairs to the Matt-cave (a.k.a. the family room in the basement) and Ken and I will look at each other and smile, thrilled that our kids are back.

Then, we’ll have a straggler or two who had late shifts at Buehler's (our grocery store) or Dairy Queen, and we’ll usher them to join the others. We’ll hear the roar of the welcome, “Marissa!” or "Nick!" and then chatter and then quiet, while they watch the show. Every now and then we’ll hear raucous laughter as they share a moment of humor together. Ah, the stuff memories are made of….

We’ll check on the kids, offer more food and smile at all the shoes at the front door. I’ve often wanted to photograph the shoes because they are a composite of those who are downstairs: tiny little flip-flops, belonging to some of the gals; larger sandals many of the golfers wear to the golf course; and a variety of sneakers, all sizes, colors and styles. Yep, we’ve got a conglomerate of kids down there.

I’ve contemplated what it will be like next year. Our son is a senior this year, as are all the kids downstairs. Ken and I know the hard part is yet to come. When our only child is away at college, all these kids will be gone, too. It will be a double whammy when they graduate. I hope I’ll be ready.

Maybe they will take pity on us and visit when they return home for a visit. When our son went to Australia on a People to People Student Ambassador trip for three weeks last year, several of these kids stopped by to see us. It warmed our hearts that they were checking on us in Matthew’s absence. Hopefully, they will continue to do that. Maybe they’ll even stop by to watch The Office during Thanksgiving break.

I’ve learned so much about hospitality with these kids. They are happy to be welcomed. Sometimes they are talkative and sometimes they are not. Sometimes they just want a place to hang out with their friends. With the peer pressure kids face today, we are happy to provide that place. We know where they are, what they are doing and that they are safe. And we love seeing their smiling faces and hearing their excited voices as a result of being with their friends. In many ways, hospitality is about welcoming others and creating memories. We hope these kids are creating memories that will truly last a lifetime.

--Written October, 2008


It has been our pleasure to know these terrific young men and women. They have enriched our lives so much and we treasure the memories we have with them. We wish them the best of everything life has to offer and we know they will accomplish great things in the years to come.

I hope they know they are always welcome here and we look forward to future visits when we hear about college roommates, challenging classes and majors being pursued. Most importantly, I hope they know they are loved.

What I've Learned About Hospitality from Others

Hospitality is so much more than providing a sofa to your cousin passing through town for the weekend. Providing hospitality can create memories that last a lifetime. I have been blessed to experience the hospitality of many through the years and I hope I’ve learned from these experiences.

When I was a college student at BGSU (many, many years ago), I was invited home over Easter weekend with a friend who lived in Sandusky, Ohio. I’ve lost touch with Mary Stepanic and haven’t spoken with her in many years, but I will never forget how her mother made me feel so special that weekend.

A loving and attentive mother, Mrs. Stepanic had prepared Easter baskets for her two college-age kids, home for Easter break. And she made one for me as well. I felt so special and included that day. It was a thoughtful, simple act of kindness and it was one I have never forgotten. My basket had Easter candy and eggs and a perfume stick that I used for a very long time. Every time I used it I remembered the thoughtfulness behind the gift.

We usually think of hospitality involving home cooking. My Aunt Juanita and Aunt Sue, although good cooks, extended hospitality in a different way. When I was growing up, my aunts who were raised in Virginia, had migrated north to the Windy City along with scores of others in the 1960’s looking for stable work outside the coal fields. They found it in an automotive plant and worked there for decades. They welcomed family from the south to visit them and when we did, oh what a visit it was! They took us shopping to all kinds of great stores we didn’t have in rural Virginia and they treated us to great meals at many restaurants.

Although you’ll often hear that as a houseguest, taking your hosts out for a meal is a way to show gratitude for their hospitality, in my family, we did it backwards. Taking guests or “company” out to eat was a way to entertain them and make them feel welcome. Well, my aunts certainly made everyone welcome! We had everything from White Castle’s to Mexican cuisine, as I recall (mind you, this was 35 years ago...). And shopping, oh my! Those aunts can still shop even the most enthusiastic shoppers under the table! And they would take us anywhere we wanted to go. What great memories of those visits.

A few years ago my husband, Ken, was asked to speak at a national Toyota conference in C’oeur d’ Lane, Idaho. I was his guest for the trip. They wined and dined us and treated us like royalty. We were taken shopping, treated to a dinner cruise and given massages. Boy, does Toyota know how to treat their guests! What was most memorable for me, though, was that when we arrived back in our hotel room every evening, in addition to finding our bed turned down with lovely little mints on our pillows, we also had a present waiting for us! We were given a variety of gifts, including a small, original watercolor painting. What a wonderful surprise and thoughtful gesture!

We have since entertained and using the example set by Toyota, given our guests little presents each night. It was a fun way to make our guests feel special. It reminded us how special we felt at our getaway a few years ago.

Gifts need not be expensive, just thoughtful. When you’re out shopping throughout the year, buy little items and store them in a gift closet or drawer. Then, when you have occasions to use them, you’ll be prepared and for very little money, can make a wonderful memory for a visiting guest.

Spreading the Word....

Hello Friends!

Some of you have arrived from an email you received and others from a Facebook prompt. However you arrived here, thanks for visiting!

As you will see, I will be teaching a variety of Customer Service and Home & Hospitality courses soon at WCSCC and at Heartland Point. If this is an area you're interested in, I hope you'll consider attending. I would love to see you! If you know of others who might be interested, I hope you'll pass along the info and the blog address...

Please share any comments. I'd love to hear from you.

~Vanessa

p.s. Thanks for visiting - I hope you'll come back soon!

Reconnecting With Old Friends

I have to admit, I am new to the world of Facebook and was a little hesitant to join the craze. Finally, last week I began adding to my profile and connecting with some local friends whom I had not seen in a while. That, of course, led to lunch with my friend Tina, and other interesting reconnects! It was fun and I was hooked! This Facebook thing is addictive!

And then....last night while checking new emails on Facebook, I was surprised - no, shocked is a better word - to get an email, out of the blue, from my dear friend Barb (Shuman) Fehl from college! I had last seen Barb about 15 years ago when some friends had a reunion and we all got together in Bowling Green (I graduated from BGSU in 1983). But, Barb and I had lost contact through the years, with all the relocations our little family has had. In recent years I had tried, to no avail, to reach Barb through the usual means (internet and Google). So, when I got a Facebook message from her, I was so, so happy!

You see, Barb had an amazing influence on my life. We met as college freshmen and I was so blessed to know her! I saw for the first time how cool it could be to be a Christian AND a college student! She had an amazing group of Christian friends who welcomed me with arms and hearts wide open. I will never forget the love they showed me and the positive influence they had on my life. I have such fond memories of Barb and the fun times we shared on the 3rd floor of Harmon Hall in those days! I will always remember the love and hospitality she and her family showed me when I visited their home for the weekend in Upper Sandusky all those years ago! Hospitaliy from a quarter of a century ago is still fresh and alive in my heart!

I am meeting again next week with two other college friends - Lynnette and Joyce (2 of my freshman roommates). We have had the opportunity to reconnect a few times over the last few years. Not long before his death, my Dad surprised me by reconnecting on my behalf with these gals! What a priceless gift he gave me! It was during a time when I was so busy with work, family and home that I let many friendships go unattended. I am not proud of this, but I am proud to say that it was my dad who facilitated the reconnection with Joyce and Lynnette and I am so grateful for it! In the time since losing him, I have come to realize more and more just how important all those friendships are to me. I don't want to lose connection with these friends again.

I am so grateful to have re-connected with these old friends! With whom have you lost touch? If you would like to reconnect, what's holding you back?