A Lesson I Learned from My Son

This morning I was reminded of an incident that happened when our son was small. The sweet memory immediately brought a smile to my face and I thought I would share the story with you today.

Let me preface this story by saying that we have tried to set a positive Christian example for Matthew as he was growing up. Although we have been far from perfect as parents, we have shared our beliefs and values with him in what we hoped were age-appropriate ways. He is an only child, and although we don’t have an issue with the term “spoiled,” we wanted to be sure that he wasn’t spoiled in a bad sense. That is to say, yes, he was showered with love and affection, but we wanted him to value people and to be a generous and giving person. At the same time, we wanted him to understand that we need to be good stewards of all that God has given us. (We need not have worried, because he is very saving and rarely asks for anything. Now, we know our child and know what he likes, but whatever we give him it’s because we want him to have it, rarely because he has asked for it.)

Keeping the good steward concept in mind, at some point I shared with him a verse from Matthew that my mother had used to teach me. It's Matthew 7:6 and reads: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.”

Yeah, I know that’s pretty heavy stuff for a little guy. And I also realize the passage this is taken from teaches us that we should not judge others. In our case, I used it to also explain that we need to be good stewards of whatever we have. We need to be generous, but at the same time we need to be careful not to “throw away” that which we have worked for.

And he seemed to get it. I can’t remember the circumstances under which I talked to Matthew about it that time, but I can certainly remember the second time it came up… It was when he was about 8 or 9. At that time I used to work in a neighboring town. Because I was already there during the day, I would often stop by in the evenings to get my hair done at a salon in the area. I also took Matthew to this salon. He has always been particular with his hair (not in a mom’s way particular, but particular, nonetheless), and whenever I found someone who cut his hair the way he liked, we continued to darken their door.

I later came back to our town to work and eventually realized that both of us would need to find someone new to assist us in the hair department. So, I needed to explain that to him. Now remember, this was a child who was very particular about who cut his hair. So with that in mind, I started to explain to him that since I no longer worked near that salon, we would need to find someone closer to our town to cut our hair. It simply didn’t make sense to drive 20 minutes to get a haircut, since we would be driving there just for that purpose.

I expected a little friction at my announcement; I shouldn’t have worried. When I started to explain that we needed to be good stewards of what God had given us (which really meant not driving JUST to get his hair cut), he smiled like he understood. Then he said, “Yeah, I know, Mommy. It’s like that Bible verse, right? ‘Don’t let your pigs wear jewelry’?”

At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about, then I realized he was referring to the “don’t cast your pearls before swine” part of that lesson! I laughed so hard for so long. I still remember it! He laughed too, but he wasn’t quite sure why. He thought I was just happy that he had remembered the lesson. Well, I was happy about that and I was also happy to know that even when we don’t think our kids hear us, they do. It’s just not always in the way we say; it’s in their interpretation!

We still laugh about that lesson. Whenever we wonder if we should purchase something or support a cause we’ve heard about, we know we have to be careful. After all, you can't let your pigs wear jewelry!

Unexpected Blessings

We have been on the road for part or all of the last five weekends for some wonderful events (well, most have been wonderful, and one 'weekend' was a Monday, but you get the picture....). As a result, it seems like our life has been rush, rush, rush. So, when this last weekend was filled with several reflective moments that truly stood out among the others, it made me think about just how very blessed I am. They have also made me think that God is telling me I should slow down and think about what I have. Instead of rushing forward to accomplish the next thing – whatever that thing is – that I should slow down and be grateful. I need to be more thankful for what I have been given and for what He has done. I thought I’d share these moments with you.

Our son brought nine members of Miami’s Table Tennis Team to our home to spend the night Friday night. They competed at the University of Akron on Saturday and we had the opportunity to host these young men while they were in our area. It was a special time and Ken and I loved every minute of it!

While they were here, Miami University (football) was playing in its conference match Friday night (MAC). After we welcomed the guys in and talked a bit, they were watching the game in the family room. I had taken a call in the living room, and after my call I just sat there, listening to the talk in the family room and looking at our Christmas tree, enjoying the beautiful lights.

Those of you who know me personally are well aware that I know nothing of football. What I do know is the sound of excitement I heard coming from our family room as Miami edged closer and closer to winning that game. Sure enough, Miami took the MAC that night! I heard whoops and hollers and my, did it do my heart good! You have to understand that Miami did TERRIBLY last year (maybe they were even in last place in the MAC??? I’m not sure…). I can tell you with all certainty that they won Friday night. Those guys were so excited! I hope they will remember where they were that night, because I know I will. Even though I know nothing about football, I’ll remember that.

The following day we met the team at U of Akron for the matches. Now, cheering for table tennis matches is kind of like cheering for golf and tennis – you have to be fairly quiet and very reserved. That however, did not stop us from ‘doing the wave’ on occasion for our team and providing other support as we deemed necessary.

We had the opportunity to steal a little time away with our son on that day. Our time with him is always priceless. We saw a different side of him that day, though. Matthew has developed a real compassion for ESL (English as a second language) students at Miami. He shared with us how the development of the table tennis team (which he and his friends founded at Miami last year as an intra-mural sport, and has since been picked up by the University as a Club Sport) is a “home away from home” for many foreign students without family ties near campus. Several ESL students practice with the team each week and three came last weekend; two were from China and one was from Viet Nam. Seeing our son exhibit this kind of compassion and mature in this way has been an incredible gift for us. Personally, I see it as an extension of hospitality, so I see it as a double blessing.

Because we’ve been away so much lately, we have missed many church services. On Sunday we took two cars because Ken needed to go into work and had to leave before service was over. As we sat there holding hands before he left, I sat there thanking God for the blessings I enjoyed in the man he had given me and the life we enjoy. I know I take so much for granted and right there in that very moment, it was like time stood still. Have you ever had that happen?

Later that evening, when Ken returned, it happened again. I had a headache and Ken held me on the couch. It was late afternoon, the lights were off and the snow was falling softly outside. It was so quiet and we didn’t speak. I just let him hold me and enjoyed the moment and watched the snow fall. The world seemed to stop – if only for a moment.

I was so thankful for that moment. It was actually at that time that the other three events of the weekend came to mind and I realized that they were connected. I think God is telling me to slow down and be thankful. I take so much for granted and have been blessed with so very much.

It’s especially easy to get drawn into a frazzled pattern this time of year. I have been so guilty of that in past years. I pray I can keep my focus on the Reason for the Season and remain thankful for all the blessings I have.

More Creative Ideas for Thanksgiving (and the Thanksgiving Dinner Table)

Lots of visitors to my blog still arrive from an entry I posted last year about game ideas for the Thanksgiving dinner table. Here are 10 additional ideas to make your time together as a family more fun!

1. Start story time. Remember when mom...? or remember when Cousin Fred broke his foot skiing….?
2. Using a journal or notebook, jot down a thought about previous get-togethers. Encourage others to do the same and add to it each year.
3. Ask a grandparent, aunt or uncle to talk about a memory from childhood. Ask questions to show interest. You'll be surprised at how much they remember.
4. Talk about a family vacation. Hopefully with time, even the less-than-pleasant memories will be fun to recall now. Hopefully!
5. Start a new tradition. Have the kids make placemats, placecards or help with dessert. Often the kids are stationed at a separate table and that can be fun, too. After the meal, think about how everyone can come together for a fun time doing a special activity together.
6. Some families “draw names” for Christmas at the Thanksgiving gathering. We did this in my mother’s family and it was always a time we looked forward to each Thanksgiving with anticipation.
7. Create a simple craft tradition. Even teens and adults can enjoy a fun craft. If you have an hour or two of open time, a choice of crafts can easily fill that time and help to create fun memories. Be sure to take pictures to document the occasion.
8. Play a game. As obvious as it is, sometimes just a fun game can help keep everyone occupied and out of trouble. Apples to Apples, Banana Grams, Scrabble, Outburst and more come to mind. What’s the favorite in your family?
9. Set up a puzzle table. Some people love to have an activity but just aren’t the game type. Consider setting up a game table in the corner for these folks with a puzzle. You’ll be amazed at just how many people can’t resist stopping by to place a piece or two - or a hundred! Word searches are popular with the older crowd, too.
10. Keep a camera handy. You’ll want to take photos to commemorate the kids playing, grandparents playing with the babies and that infamous football game in the backyard. Memories are priceless and photos help us to remember them longer.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. I wish you and yours a blessed holiday!

Hospitality is Not Wasted on the Young!

You know how they say youth is wasted on the young? Well, I tell you that hospitality is not wasted on the young; it is alive and well! I am so impressed with this new generation of young people who will soon be entering the professional workforce. Just within the last two days, I’ve learned of two amazing examples and I want to share them with you.

When we met in Columbus with our son and one of his friends last weekend, we learned that their group of friends is planning a trip to Chicago soon. I offered to contact a friend’s daughter, who is a junior at the University of Chicago, to see if she could make a recommendation for a nice hotel close to downtown Chicago. They liked the idea of information from "an insider," and I offered to contact the young lady.

So I emailed Chelsea (whom I have met only once, when she was about 5 years old) and asked if she could suggest a hotel for the guys’ trip next month. Within hours I had a response from Chelsea. Imagine my surprise when I read her return email which had not only the hotel recommendation, but also information about the shuttle service the hotel offers as well as info about public transportation options in the area. And it didn’t stop there. Chelsea gave specifics about walking distance, time needed, costs and a even link for additional information! She also included a link to the hotel she recommended, which also offered a discount, if you can imagine that!

As if that weren’t enough, Chelsea offered her cell phone number and invited my son and his friends to call her with questions about directions or restaurant recommendations. Is that not amazing?! She took the time to give really useful information and all I asked for was a hotel recommendation! Yet, Chelsea thought of everything and truly exceeded my expectations with her amazing hospitality.

I heard a while back that Chelsea was considering law or journalism. I'm not sure the direction she has chosen, but I am very sure she will be successful in whatever career path she selects. I know she would be a HUGE success in the hospitality or traveling industries!

Just prior to my contact with Chelsea, I became aware of our son extending hospitality to a business associate of my husband’s. Matthew learned this gentleman would be at his college for a career fair and emailed him to offer his assistance. Upon learning the man would have no one to help him at the career fair, Matthew offered to help him set up, navigate campus and even meet him for a meal, if he would like. Even though he is pursuing a career path different from the one the man represents, Matthew offered to send some friends and acquaintances in his direction who might be interested in the field. We learned this from the emails they exchanged, which the man forwarded to my husband.

We hear so much about this generation being me, me, me! Frankly, I think we’re being unfair. Many in this generation show incredible character and maturity. If this generation is our future – and let’s face it, they are! – I think we’re in terrific, capable hands.

The Brower Bash

Ken with his parents and sibs.
From bottom - up, L to R: Judy, Janet, Ken, Kevin, Keith, Bob and Jane


Pops and Nana with the 9 grandkids who were present. 4 grandkids (one with a spouse!) and 1 great grandchild were not able to attend.


The whole bunch - as Matthew called it, "Browerpalooza!"


The Outer Banks are near to my heart. If you’ve been a long time reader of my blog, you know that I’ve written about the Outer Banks before, focusing on how wonderful it was for us to “host” family and friends at a rented beach house. [To read this posting, please go to "Hosting Away from Home," from August 15, 2009.]

http://aheartforhospitality.blogspot.com/2009/08/hosting-away-from-home.html

I still contend hosting away from home is one of the best ways to entertain, as there is none of the fussing I do to get our own house ready for company!
We have such fond memories of all the times we’ve been to the Outer Banks and I highly recommend the area as a fun place to host a gathering with family or friends. We’ve rented beach houses there a number of times and had wonderful family vacations in various places along the narrow strip of land that spans miles and miles.

One year we took our boys (our son and his close friends from high school) the summer before they started High School. Four 14 year-olds! My cousin Lynn and her late husband, Rickey, along with their two children, joined us at a different time one year for a couple of days. And most recently, we hosted my husband’s extended family. Now that they’ve experienced it, too, our extended family also have an affinity for this wonderful area off the coast of North Carolina!

But, I suppose I am getting a little ahead of myself. To understand why it was such a special reunion with Ken’s family, I need to share a little history….

My husband is one of five kids. None of the five live close to each other. Kenny’s sister, Judy, lives in North Carolina and is close to where his parents live. His other siblings are also scattered far from us and this part of the country; Janet lives in St. Louis, Keith lives in Cincinnati and Kevin lives in Germany. Add grown grandkids to the mix and we dot the map in a much larger areas still.

Because of this ‘scattering’ it had been 14 years since all the siblings had been together. You read that right – 14 years! During that decade and a half, there were various get-togethers, but someone was always missing due to military deployment, pregnancy, illness or work commitments. It just seemed impossible to get everyone together as a family.

So early this summer, when our son, Matthew, learned that Kevin and his family were coming to the States for a visit, he decided we should all try to get the entire family together. Since Matthew was only 6 the last time we had all been together, he had not have the privilege of seeing – as an adult - his dad together with all his brothers and sisters. As an only child, I think he really longed for that connection to family - he wanted to get to know his aunts, uncles and cousins better and that he did!

The first part of the week we enjoyed our time at the beach house with our little family of three. Then on Thursday, the rest of the tribe joined us at the Outer Banks for a weekend Matthew called “Browerpalooza!” There were 20 of us present and it was amazing! A few were unable to attend (again, due to deployment and other things), but at least all the brothers and sisters were together along with their parents. That was the goal!

So, we visited and had an enjoyable 3 days together. We talked and ate and reminisced. Then we swam in the pool and at the beach and cooked and ate some more. It was a wonderful time to get together and a wonderful place to do it. The visit also provided us the opportunity to get to know Kevin’s family, whom we (Ken, Matthew and I) had not met. What a joy it was to meet Patty and their little boy, Ian!

As you know, hospitality is my thing. Imagine my joy to learn that Patty shares my love of entertaining and hospitality! She and Kevin cooked a delicious German meal for us and we ate as a family – a great, big family! As ‘only kids’, Matthew and I loved it! And so did everyone else. It was a real treat and a real blessing to all of us.

So, are we going to do it again? Kevin and Patty, who are moving to Florida later this year, have offered to host the next reunion. We are looking to reconvene in two years in the fall of 2012. I wonder if Disney World and Mickey Mouse are ready for Browerpalooza!